Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
