Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
