Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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