I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
wow bdsm is so cute
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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