We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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