OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
