I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
