I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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