Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
