i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
