My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
