Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
