my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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