I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need moral support for this bender
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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