Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
