I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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