i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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