just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
