do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
