I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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