She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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