How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
