Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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