so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
