Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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