the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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