I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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