you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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