I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I looked at my own cervix.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
