the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
