I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
