Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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