I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
