Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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