He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
