were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
