I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
