I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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