He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just high enough for therapy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
