i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
