Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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