I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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