i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
