it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
