Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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