YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
