At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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