You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
