Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
