I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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