She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
