And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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