if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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