Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
