You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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