so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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