Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
