I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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