Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
