Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
