Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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