I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
