His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
