i think my mom watched the whole time
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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