I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
