I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My ass is underappreciated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
