I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
